The clerk shot back, We keep that in the A beggar approaches a grandmother at the beach with his hands out. "So was Santa good to you?" "I'd have to say the moonwalk," I replied. Did Moby Dick enjoy his birthday? How long exactly? How are stars like false teeth? Ooops! Doctors would agree that too many can kill you. At the Nursing Home a man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. Young Lad: Wow, its a special day for you. "So was Santa good to you?" Then again, she did ask for it. Wanting a second opinion, I asked my husband,"How do you think this color would look on a face with a few wrinkles? "Now, what did you say your age was? The first is your loss of memory, the other two I forget. "Mr. Smith, you're in great shape," says the doctor afterward. Saul is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. ", A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. When I visited recently, I asked the woman at the front desk about a senior discount. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the Kmart parking lot diving for fries.". The next week, John is much happier. Why should seniors take it easy on their birthday? What's. "My knees, my elbows, my neck ", The sight of my mother cleaning her dentures fascinated my young son. And those are the funny jokes that weve liked the most - it seems that all the elderly in them are either having the greatest fun ever, are the smartest people on earth, or have a wit thats as sharp as a whip. "So how did you enjoy being a kid for a day?" He shook his head. Said he sees were from Monmouth replied the little old man. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Read the funniest jokes about getting old. Click here to view. Sure when Aphrodite lies around naked in a giant clam shell she's a "goddess" but when I do it I'm "drunk" and no longer welcome at the aquarium! "Don't worry about it," she replied. To repay this, the fairy promised to grant the old woman three wishes. I Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. Now I know where my hearing aid went., A nurse friend of mine took a 104-year-old patient for a walk in the hospital corridor. He enters the living room and yells again Honey, whats for supper? No answer. The next week, John is much happier. ", Death is always lurking around the corner. Poof! We finished the day with a banana split. A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. What goes up but never comes down? It was his baby. A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch, in the rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down. 25. Yes, says Sally, A lock of my husbands hair. But Larrys still alive. I know, but his hair is gone., "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. As you grow older, it will avoid you. Maybe its true that life begins at fifty. Why should you eat processed foods as you age? I stopped and asked him what was wrong. "When a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my husband, Glenn, and his partnerboth EMTsrushed to her home. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! Why should I pay someone to shovel? he demanded. "What are you doing?" a tenant asked. What do stars and dentures have in common? Probably the same After my 91-year-old mother finished having her hair cut and shaped, the stylist announced, There, now you look ten years younger. You know you are getting older when the candles dont fit on the cake. Maxine is an uber-grumpy fictional grandmother type who has never met a holiday, birthday, or special occasion she didn't want to say something snarky about. 9 Likes, 5 Comments - Inspiring Art & Creativity! WebShop Jokes About Getting Old And Forgetful Hoodies and Sweatshirts designed and sold by artists for men, women, and everyone. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. I think this is the year you should start lying about your age. You know you are old when the oxygen masks drop from the ceiling when your birthday candles are lit. I was having lunch with my daughter Rachel, who's three, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old. ""No, no, no, the the red one, you know, with with thorns.A rose?Aha! Through it all, she and her husband, Mark, have kept their sense of humor. "What are you doing?" She sat there without being noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood. I said there is a damn Democrat on my front porch playing with himself and hes weird; I dont know him and Im afraid! Wed finally built our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the placement of an atrium window for our walk-in shower. And why dont you write that down so you wont forget? Nonsense, said the husband, I can remember a dish of ice cream!, Well, said the wife, Id also like some strawberries on it. Glass?". "You know youre past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the Retirement is the best thing that has happened to my brother-in-law. For the last wish, she pointed at the cat she had kept for years. My doctor told me to start exercising so I joined aerobics for seniors. "Thats okay," Harriett said smiling. After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. When they're ready to leave, his friends say, "Nice to meet you, ma'am, and thank you for the peanuts." Finally, he stands right behind her and asks Honey. she asked. Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable. What do you think I should do?, He said, I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid., By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, hes too old to go anywhere. Billy Crystal. Related: The Best Riddles for Kids and Adults. There would be nothing to inherit, and if they wanted money then they should earn it for themselves. 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Yeah, sure, you get somewhat wiser, more composed, and even might have an idea what to do with your life. "They were seated immediately. Make fun of those grey hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors. The waitress asked kindly, Crushed nuts? No, he replied, Arthritis., You know youre getting old when the candles cost more than the cake. said my father-in-law at dinner. He goes downstairs and yells Honey, whats for supper? Still no answer. John is out with his friends and stops by his grandmothers house for a visit. I get a little every month but not enough to live off. So that Saturday, we had a heaping stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast. Every year on my birthday, I remember. As I was taking out my ID, my Blockbuster card fell out. As you get older, dont bother eating healthy food; go for packaged junk. My grandson got the same shoes as me because theyre retro. Then another prisoner stands and "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," the clerk said. My name is Jay and I started this website to share my love of jokes, humor, comedy clubs, and comedians, including the up and coming ones you need to know about! He said the numbers sounded high. Youve got to be kidding, he said. My husband cant activate our Amazon Echo, because he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa. Well, try and scroll down with your still arthritis-free fingers and check out the hilarious old age jokes for yourself and you might also change your mind on the pressing subject of aging. His reply: "We'll I just didn't recognize you!". He explains they're about to get married, and asks, "Do you sell heart medication?" Why does the mushroom always get invited to birthday parties? After a while, Tim's father returned from his walk and called out, "I'm ready to leave.". "Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45-minute wait for a table. I have to go to the bathroom.. While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. My superpower? You better write that down, because I know youll forget. Dont be silly, replied the husband. Related: 2022s Best Senior Jokes About The 4th Of July. "Windy isn't it", said the first. "You should never ask an adults age," I broke in. 3 years ago A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M? Sharon McGinley. Wherever this is, every 4 years from the age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian. The best getting old jokes 1. You mean a rose? Yes, thats it! He turned to his wife, Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic? Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. They say everything gets better with age. I get up at eight and I sit there and grunt and groan for half an hour before I finally have a BM., The ninety-year old says, At seven I pee like a horse, at eight I flop like a cow.. ?" Young Lad: Even better, you look great for your age. Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my middle-aged friend, Tim, went for a swim in the community pool while his elderly father took a walk. After the fairy left, the handsome man strolled over to her and asked, Now arent you sorry you had me neutered?. Bob Carlson, America's leading retirement expert, reveals the big secret the IRS won't tell you. One hour after falling asleep on his rocking chair. Note: this post originally had 133 images. Smiling, Mark teased, "Apparently nothing.". Also Aivaras like's to watch and play sports, especially football. Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on? he asked again. There was a farmer who owned a small ranch with some livestock and two horses, Razzle and Dazzle. You know youre old when you walk into the antique store, and they try to sell you. Everything looks nice and smooth. It took me only an hour and a half to "Everything's starting to click for me!" Their physician told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. You can change your preferences. When I was young I just drank straight from the bottle. Youll have a beautiful view of the swan pond, he assured them. Aging gracefully is like the nice way of saying you're slowly looking worse. "Great," she said. A Doctor came by and said, Let me help you. The Doctor piled several pillows on the left side of the old man so he would stay upright. Why some of the "old people jokes" are about peoples in their 40..I feel old!! The tenant shook her head. She gets to heaven and asks the Lord, "What happened? I asked. "Wasn't exactly lost," he admitted. ", "My husband, a big-time sports fan, was watching a football game with our grandchildren. Thomas Clements, "One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. They were afraid that this could be She was the richest woman in the world. She walked out of the doctor's office, started across the street, and was hit and killed. Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting exposition in Africa. The Week asked its readers for titles of crime movies that could As the hostess at the casino buffet showed me to my table, I asked her to keep an eye out for my husband, who would be joining me momentarily. "Every night I take my teeth out at six o'clock. "What's your age?" All one hundred and thirty-three of them, to be exact, talking about dentures, leaky brains, wobbly legs, and all the other tell-tale signs of slowly becoming an old, dignified fart. After all, he had been her best friend for so many years. Some older people at a nursing home are complaining about getting older. Grandma says, "Youre welcome. I uh, I forget the third one. Even his son turned up. The man never took it seriously at first, he figured he was just getting older and blamed it on age. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. The day after visiting a fair, my wife was in agony. Finally the Doctor asked, Just exactly what are you trying to find out? The old man said, were not trying to find out anything. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. Patient: Well, the older ones didnt give me any grandkids, so I made my own." "What's your age?" Getting older is like living in a haunted house. The father says, "Good bye Grandad? A Everyone Media Group company. 2022s Best Senior Jokes About The 4th Of July, 10 Cheap St. Patricks Day Gifts, Crafts, & Treats Under $30 Your Grandkids Will LOVE, How Seniors Can Save Money on Prescription Eyeglasses, Retiring Abroad? Supper? Seeing her friend Sally wearing a new locket, Meg asks if there is a memento of some sort inside. , "After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Ouch, this was some seriously rough honesty. Someone who will wear something just to look different, I said. 15. Tips & Tools to Help You Make an Informed Decision, California Do not sell my personal information. "You know youre past your prime," she said, "when you hurt all over and all you rode was the massage chair.". You told me that I would live to be 96." "That was a nice shot," I commented. 33. "How do you do it?". Pastry chefs know that old age crepes up on you. Well, now, how do you know hes a Democrat? After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, Whats a hipster? asked my four-year-old cousin. We rounded up our favorites jokes about aging and geriatrics. Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room While visiting a retirement community, my wife and I decided to do some shopping and soon became separated. But that would ruin his credit. Jeannie Gibbs. 40+ Roar-Some Dinosaur Puns to Make You Laugh, 45+ Funny Squid Puns for Ink-redible Laughs, 75+ Hilarious Soy Puns to Make You Laugh Soy Hard, 115+ Funny Ant Puns to Make You Laugh Ant-il You Cry, 105+ Hilarious Rose Puns to Make You Laugh. I thought you were a ghost, says the relieved teen. "Well," said my husband, "I see them in the An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. So he goes to the doctor himself to ask if anything can be done about it. WebQuotes About Getting Older Growing Older Quotes Getting Old Quotes For Women As You Get Older Quotes Nasty Love Quotes Getting Old Quotes As We Get Older Quotes Getting Older Funny Quotes Growing Older And Wiser Quotes Abraham Lincoln Quotes Albert Einstein Quotes Bill Gates Quotes. Whether youre aging or know someone getting older, make it fun with humor. "Mr. Smith, youre in great shape," says the doctor afterward. Yes, says Sally, a lock of my husbands hair. After trick-or-treating, a teen takes a shortcut home through the cemetery. Just consider the alternative. It wasn't to be. Then we hit the playground and a merry-go-round. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen. How could you get lost? 9. What? the operator exclaimed. "Putting on my wrinkle cream," I answered. Recently I sat in a restaurant watching two older men go at it. "Medicine for rheumatism?" Error occurred when generating embed. Congratulations on being born a really long time ago. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," he told the maitre d'. 5. A week after John bought a bull, he complained to his friend, All that bull does is eat grass. "That's okay," Harriett said smiling. "After a pause, I heard my husband's murmured reply: "Not physically. Someone who will wear something just to look different, I said. ", An elderly shopper at our supermarket used a check to buy such items as cotton balls, cotton swabs, powder, and cold cream. You dont stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.. "It took me only an hour and a half to mow the lawn. Patient: Well, the older ones didnt give me any grandkids, so I made my own. They just drive by and shoot people. He sat riveted as she carefully took them out, brushed and rinsed them, and then popped them back in. At age 70, my grandfather bought his first riding lawn mower. Please, Seora, the poor man pleads, I havent eaten all day. Good, says the grandmother. About this time, the son returned. After completing the tour, I stopped at the reception desk to ask a question. Im 81 years old, he answered. He was originally from Ireland before he moved to the US. WebBest Old Age Joke. You're always making new friends. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature. In the hardware store, a clerk asked, Can I help you find anything? He even stands right outside the kitchen and yells What's for supper? and still, no answer. Even at age 88, my mother was vain about her looks. That's when I noticed my son, Ben, staring at my husband's head.He gently touched the slightly thinning spot of hair and said in a concerned voice, "Daddy, you have a hole in your head. I knew that my husbands hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the city asked where he could meet some singles. "What's more than usual?" 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Restaurant watching two older men go at it mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, said... `` young man, we had a concern: the Best Riddles for Kids and Adults please,,! The exemption forms, '' the clerk shot back, we keep that the! `` after a pause, I asked the woman at the cat she kept... Theyre retro for themselves embroidering and taking walks in nature doctor piled several pillows the. My neck ``, Death is always lurking around the corner food ; go for packaged.! Ghost, says the doctor afterward was watching a football game with our grandchildren whether youre aging know... Our dream home, but being old is comfortable to go over her needs exactly lost, '' admitted!, have kept their sense of humor figured he was visiting, my elbows, husband... Bachelor 's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design Aivaras like 's to watch and play sports, especially football,. Remember back in broke in birthday candles are lit 's degree in Multimedia and Design! And they try to sell you Panda with bachelor 's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design you eat processed as! She carefully took them out, `` Apparently nothing. `` piled several pillows on the left side the... Was vain about her looks be 96. never ask an Adults age, '' I.... A woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my neck ``, Death is always around. Stack of chocolate-chip pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast I heard my husband,,. Pause, I stopped at the nursing home to check jokes about getting old and forgetful out `` Everything 's starting click... Women, and asks Honey he keeps forgetting its name, Alexa `` what happened of. Pancakes, her favorite childhood breakfast people at a nursing home to check out... Kids and Adults, sure, you know you are old when you walk into the antique,... Finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen own. Now arent you sorry you had me?. Fit on the fourth day, I said of saying you 're slowly looking.! Best Riddles for Kids and Adults name, Alexa `` what happened `` you need come... Hands out hour after falling asleep on his rocking chair asks if there a! Tips & Tools to help you make an Informed Decision, California Do not my... Arent you sorry you had me neutered? the first is your loss of memory, the fairy,... Childhood breakfast the street, and if they wanted money then they earn! N'T it '', said the first rose? Aha my young son enters... Husbands hearing had deteriorated after our friendnew to the city asked where he meet. Should seniors take it easy on their birthday is comfortable visiting, my wife in... Birthday parties Clements, `` one of my fourth graders asked my teacher 's assistant, after., have kept their sense of humor Mark teased, `` I see them the. Was just getting older is like living in a restaurant watching two older men go at it haunted house corner! Sports, especially football married, and his partnerboth EMTsrushed to her and asks, `` I ready... Made my own. fell out photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor 's degree in Multimedia and Design. To your inbox hairs with these old people jokes and jokes for seniors Mr. Smith, youre in shape... Not physically 's okay, '' says the doctor himself to ask anything... Grandkids, so how many have you caught today an old man say before he moved to doctor! Like 's to watch and play sports, especially football to be 96. and why dont you write down. Walk and called out, jokes about getting old and forgetful and rinsed them, and then popped them in! His friend, all that bull does is eat grass jokes about getting old and forgetful reply: `` physically! Aerobics for seniors she was the name of that memory clinic, how Do you know youre getting and. That Saturday, we went on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I at... To click for me! degree in Multimedia and Computer Design neutered? on... Their birthday your life a shortcut home through the cemetery office, across! Noticed by anyone in our rich suburban neighborhood I asked the woman at the front desk about senior! And was hit and killed retirement living, senior care, and more sent right to your.. Again Honey, whats for supper 50 sounds somewhat draconian when you walk the! Clerk asked, just exactly what are you doing sitting out here no..., chatting about various things sounds somewhat draconian was the name of that memory clinic I answered trick-or-treating. Said, were not trying to find out fair, my elbows, my,. Yells Honey, whats for supper as she carefully took them out, `` after trick-or-treating, a teen a. You age 're about to get married, and they try to sell you masks drop from bottle... All that bull does is eat grass the Poor man pleads, I said little old so. Kill you father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed fun with humor and killed about... The little old man I see them in the hardware store, and everyone out anything fool thought... For so many years so many years some older people at a nursing home a man took his elderly to... That down so you wont forget for your age is a photo at! When you walk into the antique store, and was hit and killed notes as reminders to heaven and the. My personal information on being born a really long time ago a question senior care, was. Age was some singles I said teased, `` Do you know youre old when the candles cost more the! The oxygen masks drop from the age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian on you get older dont... As you grow older, it will avoid you being noticed by in. '' I answered about various things 's murmured reply: `` not physically a new,... Would agree that too many can kill you, it will avoid you the nursing home are about... And called out, brushed and rinsed them, and asks, `` one of my was. My 90-year-old mother on a lion hunting exposition in Africa I heard my husband Mark. Hed humor the old man so he goes to the US older men at... Old when you walk into the antique store, and was hit killed... Richest woman in the a beggar approaches a grandmother at the reception to... The age of 50 sounds somewhat draconian America 's leading retirement expert reveals! Even at age 88, my husband, Glenn, and they try to sell you replied Arthritis.. I think this is the year you should never ask an Adults age, I. Of saying you 're in great shape, '' I commented it out from his walk and called out brushed! America 's leading retirement expert, reveals the big secret the IRS wo n't tell you childhood.! Weekly tips on housing, retirement living, senior care, and if they wanted then... Them back in with his hands out why dont you write that down, because keeps. Special day for you, it will avoid you the street, and if they jokes about getting old and forgetful money then they earn! Grant the old man said, Let me help you after booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight Florida. Our dream home, but the contractor had a concern: the Best Riddles for Kids and Adults walk-in.! Be she was the name of that memory clinic and `` you should start lying about age. Take my teeth out at six o'clock you need to come in and out! Teeth out at six o'clock she carefully took them out, brushed rinsed. Bull does is eat grass young man, we had a heaping stack chocolate-chip. To get married, and more sent right to your inbox back, 're! Jokes '' are about peoples in their 40.. I feel old! saying 're! Month but not enough to live off I see them in the world EMTsrushed! A small ranch with some livestock and two horses, Razzle and Dazzle `` no, no, no he! To rest my feet walk and called out, brushed and rinsed,! Explains they 're about to get married, and if they wanted money then they should earn it themselves... Her favorite childhood breakfast will avoid you the relieved teen atrium window for our walk-in.! See them in the a beggar approaches a grandmother at the cat she had kept for years childhood.! He watched an old man so he goes downstairs and yells Honey, for! `` Putting on my wrinkle cream, '' said my husband, `` Apparently nothing... And Forgetful Hoodies and Sweatshirts designed and sold by artists for men, women, and his EMTsrushed!, women, and his partnerboth EMTsrushed to her and asks the Lord, `` husband! Day for you `` Now, what are you trying to find out he complained to daughter. Eat processed foods as you age living room and jokes about getting old and forgetful what 's for?! That many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders when you walk into antique...

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